Monkey on your back

I am so freaking serious this time.

I am happy. I am nervous. I am scared. I am loved.

幾時先肯醒呀?

LEE

以前從沒有發現自己有「死穴」，

現下人身在美國，

就發現每次提及或想起家人，

眼淚就流下。

有時候是甜的，

有時候是苦的，

多數時候是不能形容的。

小時候不懂珍惜，錯過太多與家人在一起的時間。

現在離開家人七千二百里，卻希望時時刻刻能與他們在一起。

家人為我付出很多很多，

我們深愛著對方，

這份愛不能言喻，無可媲美。

有一天當我有自己兒女的時候，

我會向他們細說我們家庭的故事 。

我們只有温馨，沒有悲傷。

沒有比親情更矜貴，

能回味一生。 

I LOVE YOU

now & forever

Heartbreaking

One Art 

by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

It's beautiful, isn't it?                                                     

A letter from Sendai - from a survivor

Things here in Sendai have been rather surreal. But I am very blessed to have wonderful friends who are helping me a lot. Since my shack is even more worthy of that name, I am now staying at a friend's home. We share supplies like water, food and a kerosene heater. We sleep lined up in one room, eat by candlelight, share stories. It is warm, friendly, and beautiful.

仙台現在恍若成了另一個世界（重創之後滿目瘡夷）。但我很榮幸有那麼多幫助我很多的好心朋友。自從我原來的住所變成一個名符其實的“無法入住的窩棚”之後，現在我只能住在朋友家。我們共用諸如水、食物和火爐之類的日用品。我們一字排開地睡在同一個房間，就著燭光吃晚餐，相互聊天講些故事。這畫面是如此的溫暖、友愛和美好。

During the day we help each other clean up the mess in our homes. People sit in their cars, looking at news on their navigation screens, or line up to get drinking water when a source is open. If someone has water running in their home, they put out a sign so people can come to fill up their jugs and buckets.  

這些天裡我們相互幫助清理著我們雜亂不堪的家園。人們坐在車裡，用車上的導航屏關注著新聞，當飲水供給開放的時候大家排著隊領取飲用水。當有人家裡的自來水接通時，他們會告訴給大家，以便大家帶著水壺和水桶來取水。  

It's utterly amazingly that where I am there has been no looting, no pushing in lines. People leave their front door open, as it is safer when an earthquake strikes. People keep saying, "Oh, this is how it used to be in the old days when everyone helped one another." 

我所在的地方完全沒有搶掠、沒有人插隊，這是非常可敬的。人們把他們的大門敞開，因為這樣地震襲來時可以快速撤出來。人們都這樣說：“過去大家如何相互幫助，現在我們也這樣做。”  

Quakes keep coming. Last night they struck about every 15 minutes. Sirens are constant and helicopters pass overhead often.  

地震一直在持續，昨晚大概每15分鐘就有一次。不斷地有警報聲，直升機也頻繁地從頭頂飛過。  

We got water for a few hours in our homes last night, and now it is for half a day. Electricity came on this afternoon. Gas has not yet come on. But all of this is by area. Some people have these things, others do not. No one has washed for several days. We feel grubby, but there are so much more important concerns than that for us now. I love this peeling away of non-essentials. Living fully on the level of instinct, of intuition, of caring, of what is needed for survival, not just of me, but of the entire group.

昨晚我們在家裡接到了夠用幾小時的供水，現在可以得到半天的用水。在今下午也恢復了供電，煤氣供應還沒有恢復。但是這都只是局部供應，有的人得到供應，有的 人不能得到。所有人都已經好多天沒洗澡了。我們雖然覺得很髒，但其他對我們更重要的事已讓我們顧不上那麼多了。我喜歡這種從非生活必需中脫離開來的生活， 完全生活在本能、直覺、關愛和生活必需的狀態中，不只我如此，我們整個群體都如此。  

There are strange parallel universes happening. Houses a mess in some places, yet then a house with futons or laundry out drying in the sun. People lining up for water and food, and yet a few people out walking their dogs. All happening at the same time.

很奇怪地這裡出現了截然不同的兩種世界。有些地方房子到處亂七八糟，然而還有房子旁邊晾曬著蒲團和乾淨衣服。人們忙碌地排著隊領取供水和食物，然而還有一些人悠閒地在遛狗。所有都發生在同一時刻。  

Other unexpected touches of beauty are first, the silence at night. No cars. No one out on the streets. And the heavens at night are scattered with stars. I usually can see about two, but now the whole sky is filled. The mountains are Sendai are solid and with the crisp air we can see them silhouetted against the sky magnificently.

也第一次接觸到了其他意料之外的美妙--夜晚的寧靜。街道上沒有車，沒有外出的人群。夜空中散佈著點點星光。以往我通常只能看到2顆 星星（應該一顆是木星，一顆是天狼星），但現在整個天空都滿布著繁星。（星星們不是看不見，只是平時我們已經失去了關注星星的熱情，追逐於表面的浮華，靜 下心來，它們都會出現在你眼簾。也跟心靜自然涼是同樣的道理）仙台山是如此的雄壯，在新鮮的空氣下我們可以看到它的偉岸輪廓與浩瀚星海遙相呼應。  

And the Japanese themselves are so wonderful. I come back to my shack to check on it each day, now to send this e-mail since the electricity is on, and I find food and water left in my entranceway. I have no idea from whom, but it is there. Old men in green hats go from door to door checking to see if everyone is OK. People talk to complete strangers asking if they need help. I see no signs of fear. Resignation, yes, but fear or panic, no.

當地的日本人真了不起。我每天都回到我的小窩去查看，以便在恢復供電時第一時間發出這封郵件，就在我的大門左邊我看到一些水和食物。我不清楚是誰送來的，但 它們確實地在那裡。帶著綠色草帽的老人一家挨一家地查看是不是所有人都還【安好】。人們與完全陌生的人交談，問他們是否需要幫助。我沒有看到任何害怕的表 情。順其自然，就對了；但請不要害怕或恐慌。  

They tell us we can expect aftershocks, and even other major quakes, for another month or more. And we are getting constant tremors, rolls, shaking, rumbling. I am blessed in that I live in a part of Sendai that is a bit elevated, a bit more solid than other parts. So, so far this area is better off than others. Last night my friend's husband came in from the country, bringing food and water. Blessed again.

他 們告訴我們可能將面臨更多餘震，甚至其他的大震，可能是一個月後，也可能是幾個月後。我們就這樣生活在連續不斷的震顫、轟隆聲、搖晃、咕咕聲中。我很慶倖 我能成為比其他地方更鼓舞人心的、更團結一致的仙台大家庭中的一員。因此，到現在這裡比其它地方的情況要好。昨晚，我朋友的丈夫從鄉下過來，給我們帶來了 水和食物。再次感恩！  

Somehow at this time I realize from direct experience that there is indeed an enormous Cosmic evolutionary step that is occurring all over the world right at this moment. And somehow as I experience the events happening now in Japan, I can feel my heart opening very wide. My brother asked me if I felt so small because of all that is happening. I don't. Rather, I feel as part of something happening that much larger than myself. This wave of birthing (worldwide) is hard, and yet magnificent. Thank you again for your care and Love of me. With Love in return, to you all, Anne

不知為何此時我直覺上意識到此時全世界確實在進行著一種繁大的宇宙進化步驟。也不知為何當我經歷現在在日本發生的一切之時，我能感覺到我的心境非常開闊。我 哥哥問我在這所有突然襲來的事情面前感覺到自己的渺小了，我沒有這樣的感覺，相反，我在這些事件面前感覺到遠超自我的強大。儘管（全世界的）新生之浪潮面 臨重重險阻，但依然壯觀。再次感謝你們對我所給予的關照與愛。唯有以愛回應，給你們所有人。  

do you feel ashamed after reading it?

Untitled

68"x48" acrylic on canvas

Someone

36"x36" acrylic on panel

Our Painting

36" x 36" acrylic on panel